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Today's lesson is an extract from the course "Techniques of denial" that I keep at the Faculty of the University Hypocrisy of Free Thought, the University founded by Berlusconi.
The motivation is behind this course is simple: If someone asks you an account of your behavior is committing a serious invasion of your privacy. So learn to deny, to omit, conceal, falsify, is a legitimate exercise that can come in handy in the daily war against the illiberal. To help you better understand it illustrates a situation that could happen to anyone of you (I speak especially to boys, girls instead follow my lesson "Fellatio: what are the prospects for the Deep throating?").
Imagine yourself in this delicate situation: you are alone at home, you have just finished watching "Anal Destruction Vol 2". At the height of the onanistic part of your semen is done inadvertently on the precious Persian carpet that your mother jealously preserved in remembrance of the affair he had, even when it was not the process it is today, with the then Iranian ambassador to the Holy See. In attempt to clean the stain on the carpet you have paid Cillit Bang, a glass of water and you have rubbed hard. You used to dry quickly the iron producing this masterpiece.
The rug is now compromised, your mother is going to fall and you're fucked. How do you pull out of this situation? A courageous assumption of responsibility - as some people thought the little free tip - would be inconsistent with the values \u200b\u200bat this university. What are the values \u200b\u200bof freedom. Freedom also on carpets schiorrare mother, if the requires that network of subcortical neurons that constitute our limbic system (but how many things they teach you?).
Well, you know that with the creativity and ingenuity can find a solution to everything, that is the purpose of today's lesson: learn to not capitulate in the face of evidence, not to yield to the temptation to admit guilt. Resist, resist, resist, said Oscar Wilde.
For the case that I presented to you list six possible solutions, take note.
1. Get rid of the carpet and pretend to be anything. At the first representations of your mother tell her that he believes that carpet to remember, never existed. Gently begin to speak of AD.
2. Hired a Romanian, do it up to pass out drunk (if you have little time look for one already passed out) and place it on the carpet with an iron hand. Break the window from outside (the windows have to stay inside the house, okay?). You go to the cinema to see Checco Zalone if the hurry and let your mother.
3. Put yourself on the carpet in a meditative position, making sure to cover the stain. Remain so for the next few months. This is an interim solution you need to take time until you can think of a definitive solution (which may come from your meditation practice). For relieving arrangiatevi with cat litter.
4. Do nothing, leave everything like that, but try to never leave your mother alone with the carpet. Distraetela constantly, bring her out to dinner, every time she approaches the room precedetela, take the carpet and sgrullatelo from the balcony. This is a costly but effective technique.
5. Do not answer the charges of your mother, indeed, raised a jurisdictional dispute. Tell her she is not competent to judge, but rather they are the producers of Iranian carpets. Defiantly ask them to contact the consulate. You will see, insist a bit 'then leave alone.
6. Kill your mother, wrap the body in the carpet and get rid of both.
The last is obviously a last resort, I would not come to this, then you would have to justify the simultaneous disappearance of a carpet and a woman (people tend to do 2 +2) and you'd be back in anxiety. But it is useful to let you know that there are no hopeless situations, a free thinker.
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